Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
