Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
