if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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