Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
