My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
