i already hear my dad disowning me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
