U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize