you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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