Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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