Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dick very happy bro
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
