i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
