just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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