I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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