yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
