At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
