You're my little dorito
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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