Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize