I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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