Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
