I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
