garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
