Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
