The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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