Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
