I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
