1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it because I queefed?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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