tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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