my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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