I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
