I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
