I just threw up on my dentist
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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