About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
