Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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