I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
