you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
