the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
