Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
