Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
