I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
