Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
