I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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