dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
two words...techno handjob
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
