For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
