No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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