my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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