i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
