I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize