i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
