he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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