and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
