Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
