We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
