finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize