I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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