i think my mom watched the whole time
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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