There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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