dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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