Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
