hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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