I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
