the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
