I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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