I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
